Marriage - Parent's Choice Conflict
The Bible says that we should honour our parents. We need to love ourparents. I think one of the greatest honours one can give to ones parents isto give them a say in the issue of choosing our marriage partners. Yes, I amnot mincing words, we loose a little bit of our independence. But that iswhat Love is about. Love always entails loss of a little bit ofindependence. If we love God, we'll loose a little bit of indepence, if welove money we'll loose a little bit of indpendence. But to looseindependence for the former cause is better. Likewise to loose a little bitof independence to our parents in choosing our life partner is good, in thesense that they come with a wealth of experience and can be a great valueaddition in the process of choosing.
The other point is even in marriage, when I'll loose a little bit of my independence, she too will loose a little bit of hers, because we'll loveeach other. If I cannot tolerate loosing a little bit of my independence forthe cause of parental love, it would be absolute incredulity to believe theI'll tolerate loosing a little bit of my independence for spousal love.
I am not saying that ones parents should have the absolute final say. No.The final decision rests with the child. But parents will have to have a saynot from an authoritatively but as a counselor.
Infact, I think men shouldtalk to their mothers about the prospective girl they want to marry. Womenshould talk to fathers about the prospective boy they want to marry. Mothers are good in assessing girls and fathers are good in assessing boys.
If I am given a choice to choose in a fashion completely independent ofparental counsel and paying heed to parental counsel. I wouldn't think twiceto opt for the latter way of paying heed to parental counsel. Firstly,because they feel honoured and secondly because I am reducing the risk. Theyknow me all my life, it is reasonable to trust that they know what kind ofgirl would be compatible to me. At least, they'll know the kind of personthat isn't compatible with ones son or daughter.
The other point is even in marriage, when I'll loose a little bit of my independence, she too will loose a little bit of hers, because we'll loveeach other. If I cannot tolerate loosing a little bit of my independence forthe cause of parental love, it would be absolute incredulity to believe theI'll tolerate loosing a little bit of my independence for spousal love.
I am not saying that ones parents should have the absolute final say. No.The final decision rests with the child. But parents will have to have a saynot from an authoritatively but as a counselor.
Infact, I think men shouldtalk to their mothers about the prospective girl they want to marry. Womenshould talk to fathers about the prospective boy they want to marry. Mothers are good in assessing girls and fathers are good in assessing boys.
If I am given a choice to choose in a fashion completely independent ofparental counsel and paying heed to parental counsel. I wouldn't think twiceto opt for the latter way of paying heed to parental counsel. Firstly,because they feel honoured and secondly because I am reducing the risk. Theyknow me all my life, it is reasonable to trust that they know what kind ofgirl would be compatible to me. At least, they'll know the kind of personthat isn't compatible with ones son or daughter.