Making Anger Constructive — Culture, Spirituality and the Gospel

How can be manage our anger in ways that are constructive instead of destructive? It is easy to get angry at the injustice we see around us? It is easy to get angry when we are hurt. Anger is an important emotion, it helps us to act. But the problem is that we may act in ways which are harmful to other people. Sometimes we may act in ways which are harmful to us - in fact, psychologists say that depression really is anger which is self directed.

This is why the Psalmist says in Ps 37 "Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret - it leads only to evil."

Here is the question how do we manage our anger in such a way that it does not lead to harm?

Dan Siegel is a neuro-psychiatrist he says that when we are nurturing 2 year old toddlers, when they do something wrong instead of telling them, “no don’t do that,” gently move them on to do something else. He says this is a way for the neurobiology of the 2 year old to be positive. The key is to remember that we have to find something healthy to replace our anger. Ps 37 gives us 3 positive things to replace anger with.

When we are angry, we feel a lot of activity in the amygdala of the brain which is where we feel our primal emotions like anger and fear. Amygdala is like the smoke alarm in our brain. It it goes ON, our body goes into fight or flight mode. How do we get the brain away from the activation of amygdala? V 3 says "Trust in the Lord and do good." Psalmist is asking as to replace our anger with trust guided action which are good for the world. Psychologists called this technique “behavioral activation.” By trying to act in a given situation we get our brain out of it obsession with the emotion of anger and move it to a positive mindset.

At the same time, too much action can be exhausting. That is why the Psalmist says in v 3 "Take delight in the Lord." It is important to stop and take delight in the Lord. This attitude of taking delight in the Lord shifts the mode of our brain from anger or exhaustion to delight. How can we do this? By appreciating the beauty around us. Dan Allendar is a psychologist who works with trauma patients. One of his key strategies is developing an attitude of appreciating small gifts of beauty in our life - a beautiful flower, the big blue sky, a walk in the park all are gifts of God in our life. Delighting small gifts of beauty is an antidote to anger and exhaustion.

In addition to trust guided action and delighting in the Lord, the Psalmist also recommends in verse 7 to "be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him." Learning to be still before God is important, it helps us to detach from our compulsions and agendas. Being still before the Lord is a way for us enjoy intimacy with God without any personal agenda.

Pete Grieg in his book How to Pray says that to be still is to be surrendered to God. Prayer is not about getting what we want, it is about being surrendered to God, so that all the things in us which needs to be stripped away is renounced, so that our identity is centered on Christ. Our ability to take trust directed actions and delighting comes when we learn to be still before God and thus deepen our prayer life. Through this prayer filled way we can see that our anger can be channeled into something that is constructive, it changes us to become more resilient and Christ-centered people.

Anger does not have to be destructive. Ps 37 is not just about managing anger, it is about making anger constructive in transforming us into Christ-centered people. Anger can be transformational if we can channel our anger into trust directed actions, be still before God surrendering our agendas, delight in the Lord by enjoying the small gifts of beauty around us.